Does your marriage need work?
Every marriage goes through seasons where certain things start breaking down. For us over the past 35 years, it has been our communication, our finances, our relationships with our children, our careers, and our physical/emotional intimacy. (Thankfully not all at once!)
In Nehemiah 2, we see that the walls of Jerusalem have been broken down and the gates burned by fire. The first thing Nehemiah did was closely inspect the walls and the gates. He didn’t assume anything, and he assessed everything.
When things in a marriage begin to break down relationally, we must have the courage to face the reality of our situation, no matter how difficult that may be. Until we honestly assess the issue as a team head on, with God’s help and the support of our brothers and sisters in Christ, we will not be able to make the needed repairs.
Once Nehemiah assessed the situation he said: “You know very well what trouble we are in. Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been destroyed by fire. Let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem and end this disgrace!” ~ Nehemiah 2:17
He clarified the current reality and called for determined action to repair what had been damaged. This is what our marriages need on a regular basis. Sometimes the repairs are simple and relatively painless, but other times we need to enlist help and expend a great deal of time, energy, and financial resources to address the issues at hand.
Once Nehemiah and the Jewish leaders agreed to rebuild the walls, they were immediately met by opposition. They had enemies surrounding them who did not want to see the people of God thriving in their own secure and prosperous city. These enemies brought accusations against them of rebellion and threatened to expose them to the king.
Notice how Nehemiah replies in verse 20: “The God of heaven will help us succeed. We, his servants, will start rebuilding this wall. But you have no share, legal right, or historic claim in Jerusalem.”
Nehemiah’s confidence was in God, not the king. (He already had the king’s permission to rebuild Jerusalem, but he doesn’t mention that here – instead he places his trust in the God of heaven and refocuses on the task at hand – rebuilding the wall.)
We also have an enemy who opposes us, who accuses us, and who wants to isolate us through shaming and blaming. As he did with Adam and Eve, he wants to send us into hiding from God and one another. He also wants us to blame each other, the government, our boss, or our parents for our problems instead of taking our share of responsibility. As Jesus tells us, he is a thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy.
But Jesus goes on to say that he has come to give us abundant life. Yes, in this world we will have trouble Jesus says, but be of good cheer, because he has overcome the world.